delayed gratification....

I spent eight weeks in Abilene, Texas working on a new show. It was a long stretch. There was a love lost and lessons learned. Friendships forged and strengthened. Progress made personally and professionally.

And then it was over.

One of the strangest parts of life in production is after your time on a show is finished and the wait begins. Stories, pictures and memories have been shared, but the final product might not be anything you imagined! Thankfully it seems this is one that will prove to be a great end product.... Here's the sneak peek:

kiddos

Spending time with people younger than myself has been a constant thread in my life. I've been a classroom assistant, counselor at the Y, group leader at an outdoor science school, and spent nearly six years teaching music with the Young Americans....
But nothing has come close to the experience I've shared with the kiddos in Belasco Theatre Company. Children 8 to 18 work for a few months to share their joy in performance, and I am the luckiest, getting to fill the position of assistant director. Now teaching, the instruction of song, dance, and performance, has always been a passion, but it is what happens between the notes, between the steps, which keeps me coming back. I love my kids. And I call them MY kids because we're now connected by shared interests and experiences. They ask me about the show, they ask me about their staging and notes, but they also come to me as a mentor, a trusted adult figure. I've been consulted for advice on prom dates, audition songs, family dramas, and friends' depression. Now I'm not saying this to get a pat on the back, far from it. I don't think it's any kind of magic that these kids confide in me. I think it's for the simple fact that I LISTEN. And I make sure they know I'm there to listen. Kids are pretty simple creatures, but so often as adults we blame exterior influences when unable to connect or understand them. Wake up call, folks, we were kids once, too!!! Perhaps it's the fact that I struggled with depression, I longed to be accepted, and I had a passion for performance that I connect with these kids in particular, but I think every one of us is capable of reaching out and helping at least one child. In this world of fast paced, constant stimulating technology, I think one of the greatest gifts we can give is time spent with a child. Whether they're 8 or 18, each of them has thoughts, needs, hopes and dreams they long to express. So if you have the means, REACH OUT! You may be surprised how easy and rewarding it can be!

At the root of it all....going back to my roots.

I sit at a table surrounded my women. I have known some of them for nearly a decade. By nature, I have always been a bit of a tomboy. I feel more comfortable in the company of dudes. Easy going, casual, and drama free…. I relate to that.

But tonight something profound happened. I found myself bonded to this group of women by shared experiences, common beliefs, and similar passions and goals. An experience of female strength I have lacked in other facets of my life. These remarkable ladies have seen me at my highest high and lowest low, and continue to love me completely all the same.

I think that is a feeling I have lacked, or missed, in the past year. The knowledge of a relaxed bond with the same gender is something I have taken for granted, and almost forgotten. But it isn’t being of the same gender which bonds us. It’s our love of music and dance, strength in faith and spirituality, humor and giving nature. We talked about poetry, love, hurt, growth and desires. Where we have been, are now, and where we’d like to be are all parallel and those tracks of life continue to cross and run side by side, building momentum.

Tonight I am grateful for my fellow woman. I've gone back to my roots and they are strong and deeply seeded.

I am blessed.

i know a friend in need....

if you pray then pray for her
she's lost but can be found
when she stands next to the ocean
watching waves roll and pound
she feels they're crashing over her
but keeps her head above
if you pray then pray that she
will find her way through love

if you pray then pray
she'll make it through the darkest night
with strength and perserverance
i know she'll be alright
she'll see the sun a-breaking
over that horizon scene
if you pray then pray
she'll come back home from where she's been

we peaked on the phone....

i've never been a phone person.

i like to see the human with whom i am conversing.


with one exception.


jon.


throughout the second summer i spent in michigan, jon and i used to talk for hours. early in the morning hours, late in the night hours, and all of those in between. perhaps the reason we were connected kept it from being anything but an idyllic outlet of thoughts and emotions. he would tell me about sports and i would talk about harry potter. we shared stories of our families, some happy, others very sad. and music? hundreds of minutes were spent dissecting different and similar interests alike.

he made me mix cds.

three glorious mix cds.


summer ended, and our conversations died down to a gentle boil. sparatic, yet a force to be reckoned with.

he always left me thinking.



i moved to san rafael, and our connection was explosively rekindled through modern technology.

text.

email.

im .



i once sat at the front desk of the ballet school and abused an entire saturday's worth of work to chat with this man.

we played 20 questions.

silly questions.

serious questions.

personal and embarrassing.

about love, loss, future, past, pets, food.... and music. :O)




and then one day, jon got scared, and ran away.



i haven't talked to my friend in almost a year.


so jonathan.... i wish you well, and i hope, someday, we can once again live up to our chatting potential.

two of us

these lyrics stir some strange familiarity....

Two of us riding nowhere Spending someone's Hard earned pay You and me Sunday driving Not arriving On our way back home We're on our way home We're on our way home We're going home Two of us sending postcards Writing letters On my wall You and me burning matches Lifting latches On our way back home We're on our way home We're on our way home We're going home You and I have memories Longer than the road that stretches out ahead Two of us wearing raincoats Standing so low In the sun You and me chasing paper Getting nowhere On our way back home We're on our way home We're on our way home We're going home You and I have memories Longer than the road that stretches out ahead Two of us wearing raincoats Standing solo In the sun You and me chasing paper Getting nowhere On our way back home We're on our way home We're on our way home We're going home We're going home Better believe it

all is a miracle

i spent the past week on the big island of hawaii, on the hilo side. what an amazing break from reality! granted i was working, running shows, confirming school reservations, etc.... but to have a few days away from every thing else. being given the chance to discuss thoughts, feelings, concepts with new, interesting, similar minded people.... refreshing. it gave me a new sense of solidity in my self. wants and needs i have been considering from so many angles now seem to be flashing the answers at me with neon signs!!!

thank goodness for hilo. :O)

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh