alone but not lonely.... well sometimes.

tent | Tumblr (clipped to polyvore.com)

Solitude has recently become a thing I crave. A time to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Listen to my choice in music. Catch up on my reading. Lay on my back looking at the ceiling or sky and ponder. I don't find solitude scary or lonely. Just another facet to being me, being human.

Being alone on the other hand, is something quite different. Something not to been chosen or controlled. It just is. I am not in a romantic relationship. Haven't been for some time. Is it lonely? Sometimes. Does it weigh on my heart? Occasionally. What normal sane girl doesn't get a little down when realizing she's not, at least not now, wanted by someone? I think it's perfectly normal. In those moments I find the loneliness is palpable. But "life is very short and there's not time for fussing...." I take a deep breath & carry on.

Last night I was asked about my "plight of aloneness." Asked how it made me feel, if I was coping alright, what it meant to me to be the "single sister." Asked to justify and provide reasoning to my acceptance of this situation. My answer was honest & calm. (As honest & calm as I was able to be when wanting to scream.)"I think I deserve something great. I feel I am worthy of a ground-shaking love story, & I'm willing to wait." I think I sounded convincing enough because the topic was soon dropped.

But, once again, it got my brain cogs a-turning. Wondering about where I am, both physically and mentally. I've come to many forks in the road & tread down paths I thought interesting, exciting, & right for me. Life dealt me this hand & I've been playing it the best I can. I don't need a backseat driver on my journey through life. The voices in my head are already a cacophony of ideas and suggestions. I don't need others to question my path. It's the one I've chosen, & I plan to see it through.